Although I know my “following” is few to none, I feel that I have to clear my husband. We are in a major transition and after a day or two of my being out of sorts and distrustful, the bottom line is that I had to break down and just talk to him. The elephant was in my head, not the room! After the beginning of a potential argument, we were interrupted by our nearly 1 year old son at about 2am and this turned out to be the best time to talk. I love my husband. I have come to discover that I am one of those dreaded women who create drama when there is none provided… my husband loves me and he has always been faithful.
We have been together for nearly 9 years, married 4 1/2 years, and there is still a learning curve to communication… especially hard when you have children that consume your time and attention. What we have come to learn since having both boys, my working fulltime and Mat growing his business, is that we have to pay far more attention to each other and make the time to be a couple, not just parents. Our marriage is and will always be a work in progress.
As I have not and will not go into any details, I can’t explain why I won’t take all the guilt and remorse for the feelings I had, but I think it is safe to say that here was an instance that my trying to balance life, love and work tipped the scale. I will never claim to be great at the role I am in, but I try and that is all I can ask of myself. Every now and then, I am bound to trip up and just be thankful that I have a solid family and extended family who will catch me if I fall (or at least grab my hand while they laugh!)
Happy Valentine’s Day… I feel like my husband is cheating on me. Is it trust issues or is there something to this feeling? I wish I could pinpoint the problem or even narrow it down, but the truth is just that I feel, and have felt for a long time, that he is keeping something from me. I know he has kept things from me in the past, non cheating related, and it bothers me that I feel like he is holding back. And the worst part is that where I can see that if he is cheating, he should be the one feeling guilty and miserable… but I am the one left feeling inadequate, frumpy, and utterly alone.
OK I know, why am I writing this to the world and not talking to him? Well, first off I know that no one reads this blog. Secondly, I already feel rejected and isolated, why should I be the one to put myself out there to be crushed? Obviously this is far more complicated than what I can write and explain here, but my greatest question is what to do next? I can’t cry over this and I can’t seem to ignore it either. I guess I will have to try and get used to the elephant in the room…lord knows he is oblivious.
It is a new year and I am the old me… for now anyway. I need a change and it won’t just be a haircut this time! I have been playing this juggling game, which is getting old and I am getting tired. I miss being a wife and I miss being myself. I haven’t been the world’s best employee (despite what my coffee mug says) and my house is a mess! The only people who I am any good with are my boys and that is limited lately. So, somethings gotta give.
I am not looking to be the ultimate soccer mom nor the I can do it all executive with a family, but I am looking for myself. I am a mother and a wife, and I need to find a “career” that is in line with those priorities. I am not a cookie-cutter kind of person, so I am looking to create my own opportunities. I have always wanted my own business and I am afraid that it will never be the right time to just do it. I think that what is really holding me back right now is just the vision to see my path. I am also realistic to know that it will take lots of time and money, but creating my own business opportunities is the only way that I can make it as rewarding as the effort that I put in.
I lack direction. I went online and found a myers-briggs test and was disappointed to find that it did not compute precisely what I should be when I grow up. Disappointing. I must say that the dead-on insight was remarkable. Perhaps somehow I can take this insight and figure it all out because I am way behind my goal of making my first million by the age of 30! Ok, so the test helped, but the bottom line is that I have realized I need to make changes and I am starting to take the steps to make it happen. When all is said and done, it really is up to me to make it happen.
Merry Christmas, and I mean Merry Christmas. If you are one of those pissed off fools who like to put up a tree and buy presents for your family and maybe even go to church for your once a year attendance, but then insist on saying “Happy Holidays” then get a clue. You are being taken by the commercialized crap and you deserve to over pay for all the loot you plan on giving away in what you think is generosity. If you are wearing the politically correct hat this Christmas season and you feel better to say “Happy Holidays” then my biggest Christmas wish for you is to grow a spine and either ignore Christmas because that is not really what you are celebrating, or learn the truth and spread the real Christmas cheer!
Christmas is about celebrating the birth of our saviour, Lord Jesus Christ. Does anyone out there remember that quaint little Nativity story? You know, the one with the mother giving birth to a boy in a manger because there was no room at the Inn? Then the three wise-men came bringing gold, frankincense, and myhrr. Stop me if you’ve heard this one before… anyway, the point is, how many people who purport themselves to be celebrating Christmas are just celebrating gluttony and materialism? What are we teaching our children? And yes, I would rather have my children believe in what you think is just a story than have nothing to believe in when times are hard.
You can have your decorated trees, your stockings hung with care and whatever else you’d like to claim as all part of the holidays, but the most important aspect is probably being forgotten. Stop this season and think hard about what you are doing every day. Think of the kind of person you are and how you interact with other people. Are you enriching their lives or just your own? Christmas has a deeper meaning, but it takes a little extra effort to find it. So to you I say Merry Christmas.
I am home today when I should be at work, except I was in an auto accident last night. It wasn’t my fault, but I am sore nonetheless so here I am. Snuggled warmly in my bed I woke up to the reassuring rain thrumming on the roof top. I love rain. I love the way it can match my mood and make me feel not so alone. I love the way the rain sounds when it hits the roof and reminds me to take life more slowly. Its dampness makes me yearn for a good book and a down comforter and a few moments to myself.
Before my husband and i were married and before we had our boys, our rainy days were spent wrapped up with each other watching movies and snuggling and talking and talking and talking and sometimes rumpled sheets. Our rainy days were romantic days and warm days in spite of the cold. To me there was nothing better than a cloudy and rainy autumn day in New Hampshire, sipping hot coffee and reading a favorite book alongside my ’snugglepuss’. My children have changed us.
Here I am with an extra day at home to relax and just my luck it’s a rainy day. There is no guilt about feeling like I need to get a project done. The rain has given me permission to take my time. The rain woke me up and reminded me to snuggle closer to my husband and Vincent and Simon. The morning was a slow one and I enjoyed every minute. So our sheets are rumpled, but it is from Simon clutching them in his fist trying to pull himself up to sitting on his own, and it is from Vincent playing King of the Mountain and then flopping on his belly onto our bed.
Yes, my boys have changed us, but I still love my rainy days and rumpled sheets.
This is my very first blog experience (I hope i don’t stutter, I am a little nervous here). I am not totally sure on blog etiquette, but my husband promised me that i could say what I wanted here. My life in a nutshell is crazy. We are happy, but perhaps a little less than organized. I am a full time working mom of Vincent, nearly 22 months old and Simon, nearly eight months old. Yes, they are only 14 months apart and no we did not exactly plan life that way. Who plans those kinds of things, anyway? Probably the same families who later on are always on time and have their cars packed with blankets and snacks for the whole soccer team… I am never on time and probably never will be on time. The point is simply that my husband and I have a more interesting approach, one that will nurture the “flying by the seats of their pants” adventurous side of our boys. Not to say that we never plan anything, but we enjoy waking up and deciding what to do for the day based on how we are feeling. I know, I know, we are going against all the textbooks for raising children, but I will leave the textbooks for the aforementioned Moms on the soccer sidelines.
First I am a wife. Mathew (YES just one “t”) has been a part of my life since my freshman year of high school, but we only started dating at the end of my senior year. We survived college and the long distance relationship. We survived living in different countries and we survived living with my parents. We have now been married for 4 years in November and neither of us can remember life without the other. Pretty gooey sweet, huh? Don’t get me wrong, life is not all sunshine and roses and I am sure there are plenty of hurdles for us to cross, but at least we can laugh and cry together.
Second I am a mother. My boys (I still get a thrill out of being able to say that) are my sunshine- and my rainy days. Each day,although limited on time, is a gift from God that sees me through the more grim aspects of my life. There is plenty of time later for you to get to know them…
I am also an employee. I wish I could be a stay at home Mom, but my husband won the coin toss-crappy odds, huh? I am responsible for the primary income that runs our household and I dislike every day of it. I am glad that i do not love my job because then I would spend too much time doing it, but I do wish that I liked it a little bit more. Welcome to my life. I am so much more than what is here, and this is my outlet for the craziness that has become my life. Stay tuned….
