Daughter. Sister. Wife. Mother. Friend. Employee. These are just some of the parts that I play at any given time and it is hard to know just which blend to call on and when to call on them. The worst part is the need to separate myself from my job especially when I have a friend at work. When is it safe to be friend and when is it safe to just stay in employee mode?

Each day driving in to work I spend my 35 minute drive in separating my worlds and gearing up for the next eight or so hours. At work I have to be focused, professional and courteous even to those whom I do not especially like. I am not paid to be warm and fuzzy, but kindness gets you places. Kindness does not cost a thing so what do you have to lose in using this tool to get what you want? Don’t ever mistake kindness for kissing up!

Generally I don’t engage in personal calls outside of my break times not because I am just so ethical that it is unthinkable to steal that resource from my employer, but more because it makes it easier for me to stay focused on getting the job done. If I am not constantly getting or making personal calls, then I can stay on task and get the results that many of my counterparts just don’t have. I have even taken down my personal pictures. The only concession that I have made is that my computer desktop and my screen saver are of my boys. Otherwise, if I can’t see them then I don’t feel so heartbroken that I am not with them instead of being at my job.

I know, I know, you have to work to make money to feed and clothe your family. Of course I have a job so that I can get by in life, but the truth is that I lost the coin toss with my husband. He is a wonderful stay at home Dad and I am just a little jealous. Part of what gets me through, however, is knowing that my boys are not in daycare and that what Mat does do for work is with the intention that I can someday quit.

Each afternoon, I spend my 35 minutes wrapping up my thoughts on work and refocusing on my family. It is often hard to turn the switch and change gears, but I find that I have to do this to survive. If that switch didn’t go off then I would be bringing my family to work and not getting the job done that I am paid to do. And I would end up bringing home my work frustrations and wasting precious time at home thinking about things that I am not paid to think about while at home. This trick is something that I have had to work on over the last five years or so, but it helps keep me sane and I think it has saved my marriage.

At the end of the day, I have gotten the job done, I have been a good wife and a good mother. The pieces get mixed up every now and again, but all that matters is that the important ones just don’t break.